remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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