thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
