Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Randomize
