Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
