You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
wow bdsm is so cute
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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