and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
you had me at cake vodka
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
