Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
