I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
