so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
