what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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