went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
