Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
