I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
These tits shall not be calmed
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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