can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
