So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
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