We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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