There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
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