I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize