I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
