just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
