i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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