I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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