Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Randomize
