Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
