Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Randomize
