Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
