I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
