This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
