went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
