i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
