white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
