Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
