We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
