i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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