shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
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I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
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My liver just had a heart attack.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
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