i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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