It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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