He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
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Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
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Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
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