chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
