I wannas sexs uuuuu
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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