Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
