In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Found the puke drawer
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
