Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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