Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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