Acid is not a monday night drug
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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