Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
