This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
