Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
