just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Randomize
