Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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