i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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