I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
