Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
