I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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