come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
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