my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I wish I only lived at night.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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