Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Randomize
