I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
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