brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
