She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
