I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
They have beer where we have blood.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
