dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
