Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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