Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
