just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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