tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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