They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
