physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
