I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
